Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
