Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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