I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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