I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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