I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
