Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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