i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
