Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
