had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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