I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
