Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
