Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
