Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Couch. On fire.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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