So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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