It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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