he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
