the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
