God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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