He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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