i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
