Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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