I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
