i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
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dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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