Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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