I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
the gays at disneyland are vicious
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
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