kristin has been a bad kristin
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
either way he was missing a nipple.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
