i need an iv and a liver transplant
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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