the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
how drunk are you?
Several
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
