and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
