At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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