I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
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but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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