I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
