those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
