Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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