He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
