I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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