sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
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at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
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Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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