He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
