That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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