Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
