he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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