I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
