I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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