She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
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I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
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If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So. Much. Porn.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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