Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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