God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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