As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
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I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
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I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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