The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
this is an emotional support booty call
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
