New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
