i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
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I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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