yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize