he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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