and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
