Four minutes until I can fart!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
