he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
