I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
