You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Your dad touched me again.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
