Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
