u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
