Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i dont even know how to be here
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
