he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
