sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
