Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
please don't ironically join a cult
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