I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
COCAINE IS GR8
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
