The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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